As
a seven-year-old boy, a family cat I was affectionately holding was spooked and
dug its claws into my bare chest. The
fear and distrust it created in my impressionable mind led to an escalating
series of bad encounters with felines spanning nearly half a century.
Exacerbating
the phobia were women in my life who had a propensity for rescuing traumatized
cats while dismissing my fear and dislike of them.
In
2007 my greatest archenemy, a feral cat with a particularly acute dislike for
me, died after 14 years of uneasy cohabitation.
I finally drew the line with my partner and insisted that any future cat
be handpicked by the two of us.
About
a year later, we visited an animal shelter.
In a room teaming with kittens running wild, one adorable, gentle tuxedo
kitten emerged as our mutual choice. We
named her Gidget.
I
have always thought that cat lovers were too accommodating and that cats
essentially trained their masters to conform with their way of doing
things. Consequently, I was determined
to defy all cat convention and mold Gidget into my vision of the perfect
feline. I was a Pygmalion of sorts.
Gidget
was taught to walk on a leash and respond to numerous commands or word cues. Boundaries were also set which she follows
religiously at least when I’m around.
Although consistency and determination packaged with love and rewards
achieved amazing results, I came to realize there was a limit to what I could
expect. Gidget and I found room for
compromise.
Gidget
has never shown any sign of aggression - no hissing, biting, or clawing - which was instrumental in dispelling the
fears I harbored so long.
The
next kitten, a tortoiseshell, was adopted about two years later - no, I haven’t become a hoarder. Her name is Malibu.
The cat theme, of course, is surfing and Gidget generally likes water
whether it’s getting hypnotized by ripples in her water bowl or walking in the
toilet bowl. Malibu, however, never wholeheartedly took to
the idea of being a water cat, but she would complete my transformation from
cat-hater to cat-lover.
At
a painful emotional time when my
relationship with my companion of 23 years was in its death throes, Malibu became a constant
source of laughter and companionship.
She follows me everywhere and snuggles with me in bed. To show how far my transformation has taken
me, I contort my body each evening to suit how and where she wants to
sleep. In return for such sacrifices,
she keeps me grounded and optimistic at a time I might otherwise feel
completely adrift and depressed.
Reflecting
on what I’ve learned from both Gidget and Malibu
has given me a greater understanding of human relationships. There are so many parallels.
Carefully
choosing a partner is like picking the ideal kitten in a shelter. There has to be an initial connection, chemistry, and trust.
Many
of us expect our partners to conform to whom we want them to be. But, people like cats will not readily
change, particularly when it goes against their nature. We can’t alter people any more than I could
insist my cats behave like dogs. You
essentially have to accept who they are or end the relationship.
Don’t
take it personally when your partner cannot be exactly who you desire. By giving them the freedom to be themselves,
you might have an opportunity to enjoy their most special qualities.
Most
important, we all come into relationships with fears and insecurities. These forces can grow like a cancer if left
untreated. The only way to
constructively deal with them is to learn to trust in yourself and in
others. My fear of cats only grew worse
with time because my focus was purely on what was wrong with them, rather than
coming to terms with whom they were and addressing my own insecurities. Partners need to do the same by openly
expressing their deepest fears regardless of how vulnerable they may feel, then
working together to overcome them through tolerance and trust.
Gidget
and Malibu
helped me to better appreciate this. In
exchange for certain sacrifices and concessions I made to them, I get far more
in return. I can only hope I have the
wisdom and discipline to apply these lessons to any new human relationship that
may await me.
And
if you’re wondering, I did get custody of Malibu,
but not Gidget who will always occupy a special place in my heart.
