HIS AND HER WHAT?!

Few would disagree that men and women are fundamentally different in many ways and for centuries it has caused a great deal of pain and suffering for both genders. Everything from the subservience of women to women’s liberation failed to adequately address our disparities. Today, however, we are finally finding more constructive ways of dealing with it.

Much of the contemporary solution comes in the form of voluntary and equitable separation. We now have his and her cars, bathrooms, even bedrooms and cable networks, all in an effort to facilitate good will by keeping us apart in areas where irreconcilable conflicts often arose. If we just carry this social experiment a step further we could make great strides in solving the congestion on our roads, especially our highways. Here, unbeknownst to some, the battle of the sexes rages on every day largely contributing to the traffic we all experience.

Men are more aggressive by nature and love their machines. For many, a powerful and fast motor vehicle is a steroid-like boost, a natural extension of their physical prowess. Consequently, they tend to see driving as an attribute and put a great deal of thought into it. The time it takes to drive from one point to another is a measuring stick of their worthiness and a source of pride.

Women on the other hand are usually far less aggressive and more uncomfortable with powerful machines. They tend to be cautious, some might say skittish, behind the wheel, especially at high speeds with towering 16 wheelers sharing the road. They put as much thought into driving as they do walking and breathing. It’s simply not a topic that warrants much attention. And shaving a couple of minutes off a trip is meaningless.

The way men and women commonly hold a steering wheel illustrates some of these fundamental differences. Women typically hold the wheel with both hands, usually in the traditional 10 and 2 o’clock positions, suggesting a cautious, defensive-driving approach, and I might add, a method recommended by motor vehicle departments across the country. Conversely, men more often than not, use one hand conveying a nonchalant, confident manner.

The volatile mixture of genders and their polar driving behaviors can trigger an escalating chain of events on the highway that often culminates with bumper-to-bumper traffic. An aggressive male can make a cautious female more tentative, and conversely a tentative female can make a male driver more aggressive. It doesn’t much matter which comes first. Like nuclear fission, once it starts it’s difficult to stop.

This is by no means an indictment of either sex. The purpose is only to demonstrate we are different and these differences contribute greatly to traffic congestion.

Now imagine for a moment that there were his and her highways. Of course, this can’t be implemented everywhere, at least not without spending a great deal of money, but our tri-state area is perfectly suited for this unorthodox social experiment.

Take for example the New Jersey Turnpike. For a long stretch, the highway divides in both north and southbound directions, one side for cars and trucks, and the other exclusively for cars. Why not make one side for male drivers and trucks, and the other for women? Separating women and trucks is an added bonus since the former tends to get especially uncomfortable among big rigs.

The same approach could be applied to parallel highways like the Merritt and Hutchinson River Parkways which run close to Interstate 95. Give the Merritt and the Hutch to the women, and 95 to the men and truck drivers.

Long Island highways are also ideal. For instance, the Cross Island Parkway and Clearview Expressway, the Long Island Expressway and Northern State Parkway, and the Meadowbrook and Wantagh Parkways. All three pairs run parallel and close to one another.

Pride of ownership and healthy competition could soon develop encouraging better driving on everyone’s part. At the very least, the traffic patterns on our respective highways might help settle once and for all who is the better driver.

Granted, it’s a wild idea, but all things considered, it would be heaven for both sexes. No harm in dreaming.