Should the wisdom of age be valued in adoption?

The three things I desperately needed as a child growing up in a home fraught with alcoholism and spousal abuse were peace, love, and understanding.  I think that is all any child seeks.

Now at 61, single, and embodying much of what my parents lacked, I’m trying to adopt a foster child of color between the ages of 5 and 11.  Given all I heard about the dire need for adopting parents I thought it would be relatively easy, but after 16 months of waiting without any real prospects I’m left with the suspicion that my age, race and marital status may be issues.

Of course, at first glance, I would not appear to be the ideal candidate, but I believe children principally respond to human qualities, not age, race, or marital status. 

Although I am older than most parents with young kids, I am in ideal health, top physical condition, very active, eat healthy, never smoked, and drink moderately.  Conversely, my young parents chain smoked, drank excessively, and had poor diets.  My father died at 60 from renal failure likely the result of drinking and my mother died at 70 from emphysema caused by smoking.

Admittedly, my life span with a child growing into adulthood may be shorter than younger parents, but longevity is not as important as other criteria required to successfully raise a child. 

Although by no means am I rich, I am financially comfortable.  I’m past the stage where one’s career is a preoccupation and a source of stress in a household.  I work from the home so in many respects a child will have more parental face time with me than many families with two working parents.  And most importantly, I have the wisdom, maturity, and self-awareness that often comes with age.  All this can benefit a child enormously in the formative years, particularly a troubled, traumatized, neglected child. 

The only carefree period in my childhood was living in a single parent household for five years when my parents temporarily separated.  With divorce rates soaring today, you could argue that certain single parents offer more peace and stability than some married ones.

My interest in transracial adoption is probably not helping my prospects either.  And that’s somewhat understandable.  No one can expect minority communities to stand up and applaud a white society who enslaves and oppresses them for centuries, and now wants to ride in as heroes and rescue their children.

But the facts remain that children of color accounted for more than half the children entering foster care in the U.S. in 2011 according to Childwelfare.gov,  And twenty-seven percent were African American, double the percentage in the general population.

A new study, titled "Race for Results," conducted by the Annie E. Casey Foundation found that Asian and white children were far better equipped for success than American Indians, blacks*, and Latinos.  The study described the challenges facing African-American children as "a national crisis."

Although meaningful, sustainable social change is clearly and desperately needed, such change in America takes time and political willpower.  Children who need homes cannot afford to wait for the glacial process to occur. 

Social workers should welcome white parents who understand that racism and discrimination still exist in America and that raising a child of color will not be easy.   White parents cannot ignore black history or culture, nor isolate a child from the black community any more than they can change the color of the child’s skin.  But, any good parent, regardless of color, instills in their children the skills, insight, values, and self-esteem to cope with any weaknesses they have or obstacles they face, including racism.  

A black journalist, Darron T. Smith, in his Huffington Post blog sums it up when he says, "I remain hopeful that white adopting parents have the desire, courage and conviction to move beyond the racial frame that ‘race no longer matters in American society' and look to understand the two worlds your adoptive children will inevitably live in. Merely raising and loving a child whose racial makeup is different from the birth parents is not enough to counterbalance any societal stigma a child of color might potentially face while living and existing in whiteness. If whites fail to take ownership of this problem in order to deflect any semblance of racism away from them, then we as a society further fail in our efforts to instill wholesale change."