Life lessons a cat hater learned from cats

As a seven-year-old boy, a family cat I was affectionately holding was spooked and dug its claws into my bare chest.  The fear and distrust it created in my impressionable mind led to an escalating series of bad encounters with felines spanning nearly half a century.

Exacerbating the phobia were women in my life who had a propensity for rescuing traumatized cats while dismissing my fear and dislike of them. 

In 2007 my greatest archenemy, a feral cat with a particularly acute dislike for me, died after 14 years of uneasy cohabitation.  I finally drew the line with my partner and insisted that any future cat be handpicked by the two of us.

About a year later, we visited an animal shelter.  In a room teaming with kittens running wild, one adorable, gentle tuxedo kitten emerged as our mutual choice.  We named her Gidget.

I have always thought that cat lovers were too accommodating and that cats essentially trained their masters to conform with their way of doing things.  Consequently, I was determined to defy all cat convention and mold Gidget into my vision of the perfect feline.  I was a Pygmalion of sorts.

Gidget was taught to walk on a leash and respond to numerous commands or word cues.  Boundaries were also set which she follows religiously at least when I’m around.  Although consistency and determination packaged with love and rewards achieved amazing results, I came to realize there was a limit to what I could expect.  Gidget and I found room for compromise.

Gidget has never shown any sign of aggression - no hissing, biting, or clawing -  which was instrumental in dispelling the fears I harbored so long.    

The next kitten, a tortoiseshell, was adopted about two years later -  no, I haven’t become a hoarder.  Her name is Malibu.  The cat theme, of course, is surfing and Gidget generally likes water whether it’s getting hypnotized by ripples in her water bowl or walking in the toilet bowl.  Malibu, however, never wholeheartedly took to the idea of being a water cat, but she would complete my transformation from cat-hater to cat-lover.

At a painful emotional  time when my relationship with my companion of 23 years was in its death throes, Malibu became a constant source of laughter and companionship.  She follows me everywhere and snuggles with me in bed.  To show how far my transformation has taken me, I contort my body each evening to suit how and where she wants to sleep.  In return for such sacrifices, she keeps me grounded and optimistic at a time I might otherwise feel completely adrift and depressed.

Reflecting on what I’ve learned from both Gidget and Malibu has given me a greater understanding of human relationships.  There are so many parallels. 

Carefully choosing a partner is like picking the ideal kitten in a shelter.  There has to be an initial  connection, chemistry, and trust.

Many of us expect our partners to conform to whom we want them to be.  But, people like cats will not readily change, particularly when it goes against their nature.  We can’t alter people any more than I could insist my cats behave like dogs.  You essentially have to accept who they are or end the relationship.

Don’t take it personally when your partner cannot be exactly who you desire.  By giving them the freedom to be themselves, you might have an opportunity to enjoy their most special qualities.

Most important, we all come into relationships with fears and insecurities.  These forces can grow like a cancer if left untreated.  The only way to constructively deal with them is to learn to trust in yourself and in others.  My fear of cats only grew worse with time because my focus was purely on what was wrong with them, rather than coming to terms with whom they were and addressing my own insecurities.  Partners need to do the same by openly expressing their deepest fears regardless of how vulnerable they may feel, then working together to overcome them through tolerance and trust.

Gidget and Malibu helped me to better appreciate this.  In exchange for certain sacrifices and concessions I made to them, I get far more in return.  I can only hope I have the wisdom and discipline to apply these lessons to any new human relationship that may await me. 

And if you’re wondering, I did get custody of Malibu, but not Gidget who will always occupy a special place in my heart.

BABY BOOMERS SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES

I would think there has never been a generation quite like the baby boomers who preached such high ideals and fell so short of fulfilling them.

Our generation promised peace, love and understanding. Instead we delivered bombs - even "smart" ones and plenty of them. In our self-righteousness we attacked Grenada, Lebanon, Libya, Panama, the Balkans, Afghanistan, and Iraq twice; not to mention all the other places where we meddle clandestinely. Civilian casualties, including children, are considered tolerable "collateral damage." Our military/industrial complex continues to provide the vast majority of the weapons in the world, many of which are used against our own citizens or allies.

Our generation demonized our parents for not even questioning the Vietnam War and allowing it to escalate. Now that we hold power in government, media, business, and the military, we do exactly the same thing with Afghanistan and Iraq. We don't even escalate, we unleash unimaginable firepower from the onset. We condone the present Administration's self-declared right to preemptive attack against perceived threats from other nations or alleged terrorists.

When the baby boomers were the ones doing the fighting we vehemently opposed the Vietnam War. Now that we are too old to fight we patriotically support our naive children who go off to war as our surrogate warriors and like our parents we watch it all on TV from the coziness of our living rooms.

The 1971 Coca-Cola commercial said that we would "like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony" and yet we have managed to alienate just about everyone in the global community.

As young people we passionately expounded the importance of cleaning up the environment. Now we allow much of the legislation we were instrumental in creating to be repealed or its restrictions reduced. We even oppose the global community's efforts to address global warming by rejecting the Kyoto Protocol.

Our generation has produced some of the biggest corporate scandals in American history; tortured, humiliated and murdered prisoners of war; and incarcerated people indefinitely without due process or the right to an attorney. Our politicians misappropriate money and obstruct justice, and our clergy molest children while church leaders stand idly by. The gap between rich and poor is far greater than when we grew up and continues to widen. The divorce rate is soaring. We have had an unprecedented rise in our incarceration rate which is six times higher than it was in 1972 and the highest of any industrialized nation in the world.

Media executives of our generation develop "reality shows" and other forms of crude, mindless entertainment that create an atmosphere of fear, violence, intolerance, and disrespect for one another.

Our generation has produced few if any role models for our young people - unless you consider greed to be an attribute. The only political leader of our lot who lived up to part of our youthful philosophy was Bill Clinton who actively condoned "free love" while in office.

We can only hope the children of the baby boomers do not try to emulate us.